Wednesday, September 13, 2006

New Abu Ghraib and Guantamo Renovations!!


The United States Government has recently concluded negotiations with Las Vegas Hotel Mogul Steve Wynn to redesign Abu Ghraib as well as Guantanamo Bay Prisons. In accordance with the standards set by the New York Times, the new prisons will offer three room types with room amenities increasing with the prisoner’s bounty. Therefore, the most dangerous terror suspects will reside in the most exclusive of these three; the Desert Tower Suites. All rooms will contain a signature Wynn king-size bed with 320 threat count European linens as well as Desert Bambu (TM) bath amenities with oversized Turkish towels and robes. Additionally, each room will contain fully controllable digital temperature regulation via an independent central heating and cooling system. For the more notorious terror suspects who will be staying in the desert tower suites, there will be two LCD high-definition televisions equipped with surround sound systems offering a multitude of music, excluding, of course, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, despite their global popularity. All desert tower suites will contain panoramic views of the golf course as well as a voice command operated Jacuzzi. These suites will of course be privy to 24 hour room service with fresh Middle Eastern food flown in daily. Lastly, each prisoner regardless of their personal bounty, will be eligible for 24 hour wake up calls in order to make sure they are getting a minimum of 14 hours of sleep per day. Opponents of the new Wynn-Ghraib and Wynn-Bay prisons say that anything less would be uncivilized. Anything less would be considered torturous, and therefore against everything the United States stands for.